I am a creative.

I am a innovative. What I do is alchemy. It is a secret. I do not so many do it, since let it be done through me.

I am a innovative. Not all creative individuals like this brand. Certainly all see themselves this method. Some creative individuals see research in what they do. That is their reality, and I regard it. Sometimes I even envy them, a minor. But my approach is different—my becoming is unique.

Apologizing and qualifying in progress is a diversion. That’s what my mind does to destroy me. I set it aside for today. I may come back later to forgive and count. After I’ve said what I came to say. Which is challenging enough.

Except when it is simple and flows like a valley of wine.

Sometimes it does come that method. Maybe what I need to build comes in an instant. I have learned not to say it at that time, because if you admit that sometimes the idea only comes and it is the best idea and you know it is the best idea, they think you don’t work hard enough.

Maybe I work and work and work until the plan comes. Often it comes suddenly and I don’t tell people for three weeks. Maybe I’m so excited by the idea that came immediately that I blurt it out, can’t help myself. Like a child who found a medal in his Cracker Jacks. Often I get away with this. Maybe other people agree: yes, that is the best plan. Most days they don’t and I regret having given way to joy.

Joy is best saved for the conference where it will make a difference. Certainly the everyday get-together that accompanies that gathering by two different meetings. Anyone knows why we have all these sessions. We keep saying we’re doing away with them, but then only finding other ways to include them. Sometimes they are also great. But other times they are a diversion from the actual job. The percentages between when conferences are important, and when they are a sad distraction, vary, depending on what you do and where you do it. And who you are and how you do it. Suddenly I digress. I am a innovative. That is the style.

Often many hours of hard and persistent work produce something that is rarely serviceable. Maybe I have to accept that and move on to the next task.

Don’t question about method. I am a innovative.

I am a artistic. I don’t command my goals. And I don’t handle my best tips.

I can nail aside, surround myself with information or photos, and maybe that works. I can go for a walk, and occasionally that works. I may be making breakfast and there’s a Eureka having nothing to do with sizzling oil and flowing pots. Usually I know what to do the instant I wake up. And then, nearly as often, as I become aware and part of the world once, the idea that may have saved me turns to vanishing sand in a senseless storm of nothingness. For ingenuity, I believe, comes from that other world. The one we enter in aspirations, and possibly, before conception and after death. But that’s for authors to know, and I am not a writer. I am a artistic. And it’s for theologians to large forces about in their artistic world that they insist is true. But that is another diversion. And a miserable one. Even on a much more important issue than whether I am a inventive or not. But nevertheless a diversion from what I came here to say.

Often the process is mitigation. And hardship. You know the cliché about the tortured designer? It’s true, even when the artist ( and let’s put that noun in quotes ) is trying to write a soft drink jingle, a callback in a tired sitcom, a budget request.

Some people who hate being called artistic may become closeted artists, but that’s between them and their angels. No offence meant. Your wisdom is correct, too. But mine is for me.

Creatives understand creatives.

Creatives identify creatives like faggots recognize queers, like true rappers recognize true performers, like cons know cons. Creatives feel enormous regard for creatives. We love, respect, emulate, and nearly deify the excellent ones. To revere any man is, of course, a dreadful mistake. We have been warned. We know much. We know people are really people. They dispute, they are depressed, they regret their most critical decisions, they are weak and thirsty, they can be cruel, they can be just as terrible as we can, if, like us, they are clay. But. But. But they make this amazing thing. They birth something that did not exist before them, and could not exist without them. They are the mothers of ideas. And I suppose, since it’s just lying there, I have to add that they are the mothers of invention. Ba dum bum! OK, that’s done. Continue.

Creatives belittle our own small achievements, because we compare them to those of the great ones. Beautiful animation! Well, I‘m no Miyazaki. Now THAT is greatness. That is greatness straight from the mind of God. This half-starved little thing that I made? It more or less fell off the back of the turnip truck. And the turnips weren’t even fresh.

Creatives knows that, at best, they are Salieri. Even the creatives who are Mozart believe that.

I am a creative. I haven’t worked in advertising in 30 years, but in my nightmares, it’s my former creative directors who judge me. And they are right to do so. I am too lazy, too facile, and when it really counts, my mind goes blank. There is no pill for creative dysfunction.

I am a creative. Every deadline I make is an adventure that makes Indiana Jones look like a pensioner snoring in a deck chair. The longer I remain a creative, the faster I am when I do my work and the longer I brood and walk in circles and stare blankly before I do that work.

I am still 10 times faster than people who are not creative, or people who have only been creative a short while, or people who have only been professionally creative a short while. It’s just that, before I work 10 times as fast as they do, I spend twice as long as they do putting the work off. I am that confident in my ability to do a great job when I put my mind to it. I am that addicted to the adrenaline rush of postponement. I am still that afraid of the jump.

I am not an artist.

I am a creative. Not an artist. Though I dreamed, as a lad, of someday being that. Some of us belittle our gifts and dislike ourselves because we are not Michelangelos and Warhols. That is narcissism—but at least we aren’t in politics.

I am a creative. Though I believe in reason and science, I decide by intuition and impulse. And live with what follows—the catastrophes as well as the triumphs.

I am a creative. Every word I’ve said here will annoy other creatives, who see things differently. Ask two creatives a question, get three opinions. Our disagreement, our passion about it, and our commitment to our own truth are, at least to me, the proofs that we are creatives, no matter how we may feel about it.

I am a creative. I lament my lack of taste in the areas about which I know very little, which is to say almost all areas of human knowledge. And I trust my taste above all other things in the areas closest to my heart, or perhaps, more accurately, to my obsessions. Without my obsessions, I would probably have to spend my time looking life in the eye, and almost none of us can do that for long. Not honestly. Not really. Because much in life, if you really look at it, is unbearable.

I am a creative. I believe, as a parent believes, that when I am gone, some small good part of me will carry on in the mind of at least one other person.

Working saves me from worrying about work.

I am a creative. I live in dread of my small gift suddenly going away.

I am a creative. I am too busy making the next thing to spend too much time deeply considering that almost nothing I make will come anywhere near the greatness I comically aspire to.

I am a creative. I believe in the ultimate mystery of process. I believe in it so much, I am even fool enough to publish an essay I dictated into a tiny machine and didn’t take time to review or revise. I won’t do this often, I promise. But I did it just now, because, as afraid as I might be of your seeing through my pitiful gestures toward the beautiful, I was even more afraid of forgetting what I came to say.

There. I think I’ve said it.